it was like his penis was on wheels.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
