You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
