I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
