So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize