Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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