Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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