no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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