i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
