There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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