whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
