mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
