Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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