We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
