dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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