i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
