I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
