if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
