i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
