He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
