She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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