how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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