I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Vodka?
Forever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
