She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
