I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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