I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
