If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
