I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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