like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
