I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
