I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
