You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
