it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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