I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
