***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
