I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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