there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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