You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
