We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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