I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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