addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
