Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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