Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
