I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize