I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize