you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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