Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
