Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
is that a dick in a sweater?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
