she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
