I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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