NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want her autograph on my taint
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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