Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
