Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
