can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
