I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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