This is not my ceiling
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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