on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
