i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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