I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize