The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize