Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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