Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize