dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
