I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize