Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
