dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
