If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
