So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize