Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
