Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
